


don't forget about me (about the truth)

by completist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, last night together :(( in their room :((, look theyre rlly touchy when alone and most especially after a fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 06:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19371604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completist/pseuds/completist
Summary: “Do you—” Levi stutters, silently cursing himself. “Erwin, do you think—”“Do I think?” Erwin prompts, kissing the back of Levi’s hand.“Do you think you want to see them?” Levi finally asks, moving to look Erwin in the eyes as he tips his head up to him with a finger under his chin. Taking in the wonder in those blue eyes, the lines showing that Erwin have lived this long—and longer, if it's in Levi’s power, the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose. Levi wonders how these features would look like once they are free from this small world. “When we finally break free of these walls, would you like to see them?”“Levi,” Erwin smiles softly at him, “I’d love to, most especially if I’m with you.





	don't forget about me (about the truth)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knoxoursavior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knoxoursavior/gifts).



> my first offering to this ship ksksks here's to hoping there'll be more

_ “The sea, fiery water, lands of ice, sandy snowfields...” _

 

The walls of the headquarters feel cold.

Slowly, all but dragging his feet, Levi makes his way back to their room.  _ Their  _ room. Fuck, he always wondered for how long it will be. Always been wary of the end being just around the corner. Always on guard, alert,  _ watchful _ , so they will survive this lifetime of war together.

(But not alert enough, not enough. Look what happened to him, now he’s in even more danger.)

The walls of the headquarters feel cold.

_ It’s dirty,  _ Levi thinks as he drags his fingers along the wall. Making a mental note to have the new recruits scrub it clean. He wonders how many of them will return.

He pretends he does not know all of them by name, kept forcing himself to think that Erwin knowing all of them is enough. But he does. He knows all of them, keeps the list on the nightstand by his side of the bed every night of every expedition. Pulling it out when they return as he sits with Erwin all night long writing letters to their families. 

But it’s not enough, even if it’s a burden they both carry; albeit differently.

He feels the weight of it gets heavier after every expedition, tells himself he should carry it; would never think of letting others whose knees buckle at the sight of a titan carry the bulk of it; would never show anyone how his own weakens at the thought that this could be his last—with the vast sky above him a shade of familiar blue, hoping that he would glimpse  _his_ blue eyes one last time.

In a lifetime of war, coping is something you think you’re doing right—but is doing the exact opposite of.

 

 

 

“What are you doing?” He asks as he closes the door behind him, leaning heavily against it just as he did this afternoon.

“Preparing our tea,” Erwin replies with a soft smile. The tinkling sound of the spoon hitting ceramic the only sound in the room. “Just like any other night.”

Levi had to swallow past the lump that suddenly lodged itself in his throat, “I see.”

_ Beautiful,  _ he thinks. Erwin looks beautiful, with the light of the lamp illuminating his little smile, its glow flickering against the blue of his eyes, his hair soft and looking almost like silver as the pale moon cloaks him with its light.

Beautiful, like that moment when he stood with his squad when Levi was introduced into the Survey Corps — Farlan and Isabel flanking him, but his focus trained solely at Levi. Like he did on the night before the first expedition with him as the commander. Like he did the moment he learned about Jaeger, and the truth the basement could possibly be holding. Beautiful, like the moment Levi first saw him again after running for so long, bruised and battered, but still alive—the beating of his heart ringing in Levi’s ears as they hug each other close.

And for a moment, Levi couldn't help but turn his gaze to the floor; willing the erratic beating of his heart to slow down, willing the racing thoughts to skid to a stop and focus on Erwin in front of him, to look at Erwin and feel the small semblance of normalcy in their shared room—a taste of what they could've had.

Levi turns his gaze away from him, only to raise them up again, with his heart beating calmly and a head clear of cluttered thoughts, “Just like any other night.”

Taking a seat in his usual chair, Levi accepts the teacup offered to him—brewed exactly to his liking, the smell wafting from it almost making him smile in remembrance; a bout of memories clamoring for his attention when all of it is turned to the man in front of him. He places the tea on the table and holds unto Erwin’s hand instead, cradling his cheek with it, soaks up the warmth given to him as Erwin leans down to place a kiss on the top of his head. Breathes in deep as Erwin shifts closer to kiss his forehead, his cheek, the corner of his mouth. Levi almost raises his other arm to hug him close, to kiss him properly, to feel and hear the strong beating of his heart—

“—Just like any other night,” Levi repeats instead, kissing Erwin’s inner wrist before letting him go.

Erwin sits to his left, their foot nudging as he moves closer to the table and to Levi. A striking resemblance whenever the squad leaders will meet before Erwin leaves for Mitras—sometimes with him, sometimes not. A striking resemblance of a time when all Erwin worries about is the approval of the brass on the preparations to reclaim Wall Maria.

Now, here they are. One night away from the reclamation that has sent countless soldiers to their deaths.

_ Their hearts were theirs to offer, Erwin. _

Plenty of truths unraveled, yet even more mysteries were revealed.

_ What will you do, after we take back Wall Maria? _

And just like any other night, Levi tells him about the recruits, the training grounds, today’s inventory of cleaning materials and that they will  _ “need to restock more tea when we return because I’m pretty sure I’ll be too exhausted to tolerate anyone else aside from you.” _

_ "Or Hange—” _

_ "Or Hange.” _

_ “—And Moblit—” _

_ “Yes, they do come in pairs” _

_ “—And Connie and Sasha and Eren and Jean and Armin and Mikasa—” _

_ “Yes  _ alright _ , Erwin. Shut your mouth before I—” _

—And just like any other night, Erwin would put down his tea and laugh as he urges Levi closer to him, planting a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek, before burying his face on the crook of his neck and shoulders.

Levi relaxes, feeling the stiffness of his muscles loosen; letting go of the breath he’s been holding as he adjusts in his seat and wind his arm around Erwin’s broad shoulders.

Carefully, Levi raises Erwin’s chin and kisses him on the lips: slow, unhurried, chaste.

“And then?” Erwin prompts as they part, his eyes still closed as he hides his smile on the crook of Levi’s neck and shoulders. Focusing all of his attention to Levi with every touch and prompt, every squeeze of his hand to his, every path his fingers take along Levi's skin.

“I found Eren and Jean punching the life out of each other in the mess hall.” Levi continues, laying his cheek against his forehead. “I kicked the life out of them.”

Erwin quietly laughs beside him, closing the small space between them as he gets more comfortable, almost straddling Levi’s lap. Silence stretches between them as Levi watches the moon reflected on the glass of their cups, Erwin’s hand gently cradling his hips.

Taking a deep breath, Levi lets his hand wander to hold his.

“Erwin,” Levi began, his voice barely above a whisper. Erwin hums beside him in recognition, tightening his hold in Levi’s hand as if to assure him he’s listening. “Do you know about the sea?”

A beat of silence. Then another. And another.

Levi can't decide what he feels about the question, or the fact that Erwin might not answer him.

“Yes,” Erwin replies a couple of seconds later, his tone low and melancholy. “My father showed me a book once. The endless sea, fiery water—”

“—lands of ice and sandy snowfields.” Levi continues with him. 

He feels Erwin’s smile against his skin again, “It’s quite dichotomy, don’t you think? Those words. It goes to show that that is perhaps the best way to describe what most of us will not see. Words that can certainly leave it to the imagination. Words that can make you feel even if it cannot show.”

Levi lets himself soak in the words. 

“What happened to it? Your father’s book?”

“I don’t know, Levi,” A deep, shuddering breath. Levi tightens his hold around him. “I've never seen it ever since.”

Another moment of silence, and a loud banging sound down the corridor that they both think is because of Hange tinkering around instead of resting.

“Do you—” Levi stutters, silently cursing himself. “Erwin, do you think—”

“Do I think?” Erwin prompts, kissing the back of Levi’s hand.

“Do you think you want to see them?” Levi finally asks, moving to look Erwin in the eyes as he tips his head up to him with a finger under his chin. Taking in the wonder in those blue eyes, the lines showing that Erwin have lived this long—and longer, if it's in Levi’s power, the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose. Levi wonders how these features would look like once they are free from this small world. “When we finally break free of these walls, would you like to see them?”

“Levi,” Erwin smiles softly at him, “I’d love to, most especially if I’m with you.

And just like any other night, Levi would return his smile. Softens the deep furrow between his eyebrows with a kiss, and to those cheeks that Levi had once wished has deeper laugh lines, tasting the occasional smile in the corner of those lips that has subverted systems and lead countless of soldiers to their death and victory. 

And just like any other night, Levi would lay his head over Erwin’s beating heart, vehemently wishing for a life where it wouldn't resound so heavily with the pain of countless hearts that ceased its beating under his command.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if its a bit clunky, i havent written in a long time ksksks
> 
> hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/completist_) and [tumblr](http://queen---queer.tumblr.com/)! I need more eruri mutuals :(((


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